From the Archives

The Way of the World, Continued
Activism and Apology

September 20th, 2006

West Elmsborough - The Fire-bombings of Our Lady of the Perpetual Guitar in the small township of West Elmsborough have gradually dwindled since Pope Benedict the 16th’s inflammatory speech last week. Father Dwain O’Sullaghan, the happy-clap, saxophone playing priest of Our Lady of the Perpetual Guitar, or as his parishioners call him, “Father Dwain,” speaking from the smoldering remains of the narthex, remarked yesterday to a barrage of reporters, that he “holds no grudge against these ‘activists,” as he calls them. “Diversity is something we need to embrace and the best way to do that is to try and understand where these people are coming from.”

Where are these people coming from? The answer is quite obvious to this writer. These activists are raiding West Elmsborough from the constantly moving settlement of Al Fazi-Baroum, the sometimes local Bedouin community now located to the North of West Elmsborough and the West of North Elmsborough. “We have declared Jihad on this petty Christian shrine,” said Farid Ben-Aboom, the hook-nosed, hooka smoking Sha of Al Fazid-Baroum, “and until we get a good teary-eyed apology from the Vatican we will continue to raid the Christian temple till there is nothing left but to salt the ground where it once stood.”

Tribulation Winthrop, the doughty town councilwoman of West Elmsborough was heard commenting to her neighbor, in what she thought was the privacy of her backyard, “I don’t like this Ben Aboom man one little bit,” but a passing leaf-blower prevented her other neighbor who wishes to remain anonymous from hearing any further remarks.

Apology from the Vatican or no, West Elmsborough must, in the opinion of this writer, face the growing diversity of New Hampshire, or this little apple-growing township may face worse things than a Bedouin raiding party.